this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2023
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[–] Contramuffin@lemmy.world 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh, just because someone is abusive or unsupportive doesn't mean that they don't love you. It just means that their interactions aren't healthy for you and you need to establish boundaries.

Regardless, I hope that you're doing well. I don't know what your project is, but I can certainly tell you that it's much more impressive than anything I've made

[–] aidan@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's true, but I feel like the internet is quick to brand people having moments of failure as abusive. Nobody is perfect, and I can't expect my parents to be perfect. Imo, calling my mom abusive is far too extreme.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 1 year ago

Well, and anybody can say or do things that are abusive.

Different people have different levels of tolerance for abusive behavior. The question is, when does it go from, "a person prone to occasional abusive bullshit" to "a person in the habit of committing acts of abuse"?

It's a lot like addiction in the sense that it's a sliding scale, but people largely outside of it will freely brand the slightest hint as a full blown catastrophe.

[–] Sivaru@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes, in this world there is no one who wants what is good for you more than your parents. Many people forget that, if your parents have problems, you need to take care of them.

[–] bleph@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I don't agree with this in all cases.

True, parents usually have a deeply ingrained emotional need to protect and nurture their children but:

  • Not all parents do. Narcissists have children all the time. When they do, they cloak their emotional vampirism in 'love' like they do in all relationships.
  • Even parents with the best intentions have to work HARD not to pass on their generational traumas, abuses, and bad habits.
  • Only the child can truly know what will fulfill them as a person. Parents often substitute what they wanted for their younger selves for the child's best interest.

For those still thinking I have no idea what I am talking about and you and your parents are different... please look into "enmeshment" for your own sake

[–] Sivaru@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I agree with you on the first one. There are parents who do not deserve to be called parents, and they should be punished.(It's too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child...). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his mother to not repeat the mistakes of his parents in the future to break the loop. But I don't agree with the last one, children don't know exactly what they want (we the adults don't know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.

[–] Sivaru@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

I agree with you on the first one. There are fathers who do not deserve to be called fathers, and they should be punished. (It is too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child...). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his father and not repeat the mistakes of his fathers in the future to break the cycle. But I don't agree with the last one, children don't know exactly what they want (we adults don't know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.