this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2023

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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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fuck the manosphere (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by kofe@lemmy.world to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world

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I just want to vent a bit - I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. Old fling that I ran into through some friends that got rekindled, and I was excited that it seemed like more than just casual hookups this time. But there were some yellow flags I ignored that turned out to be red flags, and now I'm feeling frustrated and hurt.

Dude for real dropped the line that men are more "capable" and "logical" on me. That gender studies are "indoctrination." I told him we should probably stop seeing each other if that's really what he thinks. It wouldn't be logical for me to keep seeing someone that thinks lesser of me, now, would it?

I'm grateful to have some guy friends that I turned to after I left, cuz I wanted to go into "fuck all men" mode, but I know it's not true or helpful. Just like there are women out there that have internalized misogyny, there's feminist men, enbies, etc. We're all just people and we're not monoliths beholden to differences in biology. This is just sexist, manosphere bullshit in particular

Anyway. I'm still feeling angry and wanted to put it out there for some support and solidarity. Anyone have a recent win they'd like to share or something?

ETA: Thank you so much for the conversation y'all! I've been trying to keep up but I gotta get some sleep. I'll check in later but hope everyone has a good day. Keep up the empowerment! 💜

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[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 25 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Good on you. Next time you want to go "fuck all men" remember that would be stooping as low as a misogynist, only on the other side of the road.

The silver lining is that pain helps people see flag's true colours better. So you will (I hope) not waste time with someone else showing similar warning signs next time.

[–] Teodomo@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

There's technically not a single wrong word with your comment in my opinion. But, respectfully, don't you feel it reads as a bit condescending and admonishing? Especially when rereading the OP and then your comment in succession. The OP said they just wanted to vent a little here but then go on to barely vent at all: they just say they 'wanted to go into “fuck all men” mode' but didn't since they know it's not true or helpful. As I read it they just felt the (understandable) initial frustration but immediately worked through that feeling like an adult.

[–] kofe@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yes, that's actually why I didn't reply to them. The first part of the comment comes across like they didn't read what I wrote directly after, and I'm not interested in repeating myself or getting defensive over having a brief reactionary response to emotional abuse. Thank you 💜

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Well I'm sorry it came across that way. I'm not trying to attack you or upset you at all, just hoping to give you a different perspective on why what you did was right. I repeat, what you did was right. I'm glad you have a solid support group irl now and I hope you keep it for life, but from experience that's not always the case for everyone, and there is also the unfortunate possibility you may have a bad experience with a partner again- which I hope you don't. But if you do find yourself in that situation, I'm hoping my previous comment helps you see you are better prepared to face such situation again in the future.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 3 points 11 months ago

I didn't mean to be condescending or admonishing. Of course OP knows better. OP also mentioned she has a good support group which is what helped in this case. But from experience, sometimes groups and friends come and go, and so do problems with partners. I'm only hoping my comment helps OP see why they were right in doing what they did and maybe give a different perspective to someone else reading the comments.