this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
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I'm not going to blame this on insecurity, but I think ego is a bit more accurate. I was working under a senior software engineer in maybe his 50's in my first real job out of college. A big part of our time went to maintaining a build system that was fairly large, maybe on the order of tens of thousands of lines of Ant code.
The bone that I have to pick looking back is that I got the blame when I had trouble organizing myself. Our team didn't use any sort of issue tracker. There was absolutely zero collaboration tools beyond verbally issued instructions in meetings and email. Looking back, I realize it was madness. As an experienced developer, my manager should have had known that an issue tracker would be a high priority. Yet instead I was blamed.
It could just be poor communication between you and him. I was the lead in a project over several teams without any onboarding, and several people to answer to without clear lines of hierarchy. I bent over backwards on evening and weekends for 2 years trying to make everyone happy and thus making no one. Had I better communicated that I was struggling, or at least had the life perspective to understand that what was happening wasn't completely my fault, I could have defended myself better and communicated better to my bosses that their wonderful plan of bringing several teams together with one in-between guy (me) might require some extra thought.
In retrospect I should have quit, but I was new to the country and had no idea what my rights were.
It's hard to tell. There definitely was poor communication on the project level due to lack of a ticketing system. That led to him distrusting me and being rather open about it. There were also issues with the position itself. I was supposed to split time between development and monitoring a queue of deployment requests. If the coworker who normally handled those requests was getting behind, I was supposed to jump in. That involved breaking concentration every 15 minutes or so.
I regret not pushing back on the demands made of me. They were entirely unreasonable and could be mitigated. Unfortunately I didn't know what to ask for and I didn't have the maturity to identify what I even needed to push for.
Wait how did you even get anything done haha
Well, I didn't get much done. I relied some on internal organization with Emacs org-mode to keep track of things. I didn't know this at the time, but that particular position had a high turnover rate. Apparently a year was pretty typical, which was how long I lasted. I have never outright quarreled with any other manager except this one.