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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] DogWater@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

I can give you a little insight. I'm not sure if these comparisons will hit home or not, but I'll try.

If you order food somewhere and the server brings you something extra, or a mistake is made and they let you keep it....do you feel a small, tiny swell of specialness?

When you make a joke to a group of friends and one of them really is enthusiastic about it and laughs a whole lot or tells you that it was a really funny joke to them, do you feel a warmness and or specialness?

Do you feel a secret little spike of maybe I'm a lil bit more special than these people around me right now?

If this kinda rings a bell for you, try amplifying mentally by like a hundred fold...that specialness with a person you are sexually compatible with seems flirty if they appear to be treating you special. If it is true or not doesn't really affect the feeling that springs up in your soul. That's the clouded judgement. It's like chasing a dragon when you feel that someone thinks your special. That's a high feeling.

Fwiw, my fiance was my best friend before we were together. She happened to be on the same wavelength as me when it all was going down.