General Discussion

12071 readers

4 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy.World General!

This is a community for general discussion where you can get your bearings in the fediverse. Discuss topics & ask questions that don't seem to fit in any other community, or don't have an active community yet.

🪆 About Lemmy World

🧭 Finding Communities

Feel free to ask here or over in: !lemmy411@lemmy.ca!

Also keep an eye on:

For more involved tools to find communities to join: check out Lemmyverse!

💬 Additional Discussion Focused Communities:

!actual_discussion@lemmy.ca - Note this is for more serious discussions.
!casualconversation@lemm.ee - The opposite of the above, for more laidback chat!
!letstalkaboutgames@feddit.uk - Into video games? Here's a place to discuss them!
!movies@lemm.ee - Watched a movie and wanna talk to others about it? Here's a place to do so!
!politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world - Want to talk politics apart from political news? Here's a community for that!

Rules

Remember, Lemmy World rules also apply here.

0. See: Rules for Users.

No bigotry: including racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or xenophobia.
Be respectful. Everyone should feel welcome here.
Be thoughtful and helpful: even with ‘silly’ questions. The world won’t be made better by dismissive comments to others on Lemmy.
Link posts should include some context/opinion in the body text when the title is unaltered, or be titled to encourage discussion.
Posts concerning other instances' activity/decisions are better suited to !fediverse@lemmy.world or !lemmydrama@lemmy.world communities.
No Ads/Spamming.
No NSFW content.

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

Jessica@lemmy.world

ElectroVagrant@lemmy.world

fubo@lemmy.world

258

I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

41 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[+] Empricorn@feddit.nl -23 points 11 months ago (5 children)

I hate to say it, but I think you're massively overgeneralizing, if not actually stereotyping lesbians. Of course some gay women are going to treat you differently based on their sexual orientation (just like some straight women), but I have a hard time believing most people do this. Myself and the vast majority of the people I know don't.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person.

So... What about asexual women? The elderly? Prepubescent? trans women? I bet cis, gay, adult women aren't the only ones treating you differently. Obviously I don't know you, but I bet you're treating women you have no chance of having sex with differently---perhaps subconsciously. I genuinely believe if you woke up tomorrow and forgot that sexual orientation was a thing, you'd treat everyone the same and this difference would disappear. But that's just my 2 cents...

[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 22 points 11 months ago

Well, my friend. I think on the other hand that you are massively overproblematizing and turning this about something entirely different. You're taking me sharing a positive insight about me and my friendships and forcing it into something ugly. I think you should maybe ask yourself why this is your reaction. Those are just my 2 cents.

[–] MataVatnik@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

No, OP is right. I had a similar experience. Not all, but I found I can relate to lesbians differently and it's because they see the world through a different lense. I don't feel like I'm being judged the same way as I am around straight women.

[–] Sarmyth@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 11 months ago

Way to invalidate someone's personal life experiences there bud!

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

I bet you have a hard time maintaining relationships. Best of luck.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

What a shitty take