this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2023
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Showerthoughts
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Maybe not demonizing bpd. Bpd is treatable and people with bpd already suffer a lot of stigma and psychological pain. They don't act insane just to hurt you or because it brings them pleasure
As a person who has their BPD under control so well that my psychologist doesn't feel fully comfortable diagnosing me with it anymore, seeing stuff about how be need to be avoided still hurts, a lot. I've put in the work, I've never missed an appointment with my current psychologist, I do my best to keep myself stable, and to not hurt others or myself, but I feel like I can never escape this diagnosis. I feel obligated to tell any romantic partners that I have BPD, only for it to be used against me. No matter what I do, I'll always be branded by this, even if I haven't exhibited symptoms for years. I feel like I'll either have to lie to people, or tell them truth and walk on eggshells, afraid that any negative emotion will make them think I'm insane, abusive, or crazy. I just want to live a healthy and happy life.
maybe it's not a lie if you have grown and changed into a new version of yourself.
Yeah, lived through the first 25 years of my life subject to rampant unchecked cluster-B abuse, and nobody even told me things weren't meant to be that way.
I don't give two shits about intent, the impact is the same regardless. Like an overly curious bear or something.
See it, recognise it, walk in the opposite fucking direction. And if it follows you, you scream and throw rocks.
And mention things like polyamory. I was 40 before realizing that was an option…
Yeap. I mean, you'd utterly break people's brains but dammit.
Imagine a world where you're only ever allowed to have one friend at a time, and anything else was actually considered justification for murder.
I don't really understand humans.
I would add introspection and the experience in calmly process criticism (and that doesn't mean always take it in, depending on the source and quality it sometimes is best ignored) to it.
It's my impression that a lot of interpersonal problems derive from one or both of the parties not being mature as adults: sure, they have the age to be adults (sometimes even seniors) but they're don't have the maturity.
I would change the last point to being aware of the mental health of yourself and those close to you.
Talking about mental health in general is so damn stigmatized but I think if more people were aware of how to identify your everyday mental health concerns (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, mania, OCD, etc) and spoke more openly about our issues and our treatments, we’d be able to build better social support networks.
In fact, you could probably fold a few of your points into that.
Hurt people hurt people, as they say - and that cuts both ways. Yes, you should be kind and supportive if you can, but you aren't obliged to put yourself at risk in order to do so.
Malignant narcissists cause significant, ongoing harm to those they get their hooks into. They may have a terribly sad backstory and lead unpleasant lives, but that doesn't help the victims any.
BPD abusers tend to be less evil-karen on the surface, but their need for ongong validation is just as intense, and they will harm people just as ruthlessly in order to maintain their supply.
I don't think it's unreasonable to point out some red flags to let people steer clear of that risk.