this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
170 points (97.2% liked)

Asklemmy

43916 readers
1271 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Cloak@lemmy.ml
mekhos@lemmy.ml
tmpod@lemmy.pt
14specks@lemmy.ml
170
Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)
submitted 1 year ago by Flickerby@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
78 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] BartsBigBugBag@lemmy.tf 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Well I never went to AA aside from one meeting where I felt everyone was just addicted to AA instead of Alcoholism, but I imagine some of what I know could have been learned through osmosis from others, and thus may not be as accurate as Iโ€™d like. Can you tell me which so I can update my understanding?

[โ€“] Devi@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

So the rock bottom thing, it comes from the AA idea that people are helpless to fix themselves and must submit to god/a higher power. It's completely untrue that you must hit anything and plenty get help very early on having realised they have an issue.

This is a more detailed breakdown - https://www.smartrecovery.org/the-flawed-psychology-of-forcing-people-to-hit-rock-bottom/

An abstinence only approach has also been debunked. Again, it comes from the AA teachings that you are powerless. Some people may choose abstinence for a wide range of reasons, it sounds like it's worked for you and thats ace but it's not the only approach to problematic drinking and many succesful programs now work on moderation or other methods of reduction.

This study found that abstinence and reduction programs have similar levels of success - https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33188563/

The powerlessness comment, I think I've covered through the other points.

Finally, this article I think covers the points I've missed (and the ones I haven't tbf) - https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/