Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
Abilene paradox doesn't exist. That's a failure of communication and a benign dishonesty with each other. State you're bored and check the room before making everyone go on a journey. Get to an understanding before making plans.
You have fundementally misunderstood the paradox.
Person A wanted to please person B and suggested a given action. Person B assumed person A wanted that action and wanted to please them, so they agreed. Nobody wanted the action, nobody was forced to take the action, everyone had a chance to deny the action, nobody even necessarily lied. People wanted to please others and everyone did something nobody wanted to do.
Yes, it is a failure of communication. Specifically, it's a false consensus, where everyone misunderstands the opinions of the wider group. Even more specifically, it's the Abilene paradox, where everyone acquiesces to the misunderstood desire of the wider group.
In the specific context of the OP, nobody liked the guy, but everyone thought everyone else liked the guy. They didn't want to openly insult someone everyone liked, so everyone kept quiet, so nobody realised nobody liked the guy and nobody told him to go away. It's the paradox in action.
I guess I still misunderstand because it still sounds like no one asked any questions about why or whether it was of interest. Mindless following is only a paradox when sensibility is regained and someone asks basic questions.
No one should ever mindlessly follow a group. That's how people follow GPS into a lake when common sense should alert them far before catastrophe.
You want others to like you. You want others to be happy. You put your own desires aside for the benefit of another. It's not mindless, it's selfless.
You make an assumption about a person, and they never give you cause to doubt your assumption. It will take you a long time for you to think your assumption might be wrong. After all, they agreed to it, so they must enjoy it, right? And they invited you to do this thing they like with them, so you don't wanna bring the mood down by refusing.
It's obvious in hindsight, or from a third person omniscient perspective like we have, but in the moment? It happens. It shouldn't, and that's why it's a paradox.
See also: Peer pressure, false consensus, "Don't rock the boat"