this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2023
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The last time I really lost my temper with someone was with a nurse who told my wife (who was dialated to several cm already) that she wasn't really in labor and she needed to go home.
There has been a few times before that where a doctor would ask her what was wrong in a normal visit, and she would answer, and the doc would ask me if that was correct. She's my wife, not my child, why are you treating her like she doesn't know what's wrong?
The last one might be because some people (I'm kind of an extreme case) don't pay enough attention to their own symptoms, and typically downplay the frequency, severity, or at the very least botch up the timelines fairly well.
Not only am I ADHD, I grew up in a household where I was constantly told to just ignore things and suck it up, so now it's second nature to ignore my body and carry on. I feel like that's also part of dealing with aging-related and chronic issues.
That’s still not an excuse for a doctor to confirm with his patient’s husband when the wife is the patient.
It is an excuse though, it's not about being husband and wife it's not about being a woman, it's about getting a second opinion from a separate party because of the stuff that the OP mentioned.
Now, some doctors make their sexism more evident, but you can't really judge them by that interaction, I've seen plenty that just try to confirm the story of the patient with the patients companion, regardless of gender.
Determined to be offended, got it.
Yup. It's fucking ridiculous that I have to go to the doctor with my wife just for her to be taken seriously. And her female doctors are the worst about it.
Concerning your first point : being dilated alone may not be enough to warrant an immediate hospitalization. My wife waters had broken, she was dilated a bit, yet it took her another 28 hours to give birth. She wasn't in labour, as such. Only reason we had to stay was that the waters had broken and that's a condition that needs monitoring. But I was told to go home and rest for a while, after 8 hours (we had arrived at 2am).
In general, one of the most important thing to do to help the mother give birth is to feel comfortable, relaxed, etc. Being in a hospital isn't generally conducive to those things so if at all doable, it's better to stay home and wait until it's actually show time. But yeah, not easy to judge, when you're not an ob/gyn!
Your second point is just... there is nothing to defend, there.
The problem is, she gave birth a few hours after we showed up. If I'd driven home I'd have had to deliver the kid myself.
Oh I didn't assume anything about your circumstances. Just wanted to offer a possible explanation behind the nurse's reaction, as I'm sure it's a weird thing to be told!
I hope it all went well in the end :)
Is that worth losing your temper over? The midwife sent us home because my wife was only a few cm dilated, and active labour doesn't start until about 5 or 6cm dilation, after which it generally takes another 5+ hours before the cervix is dilated enough (i.e. 10cm) to give birth. It's annoying, but it's standard procedure.
It'd be wonderful if the healthcare systems around the world had infinite resources to care for pregnant women, but unfortunately they don't.
My wife was in labor. For the 45 minutes between when she was discharged and when she returned unable to stand, they billed us for two visits and would not budge.