this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Edit2: It's a subjective perception I'm talking about. Are you offended? Why?

What's the matter, why can't men deal with me being sensitive and emotional? Is it because they struggle with me reminding them of having, too, emotions?

Edit: Do men think I'm weak when I show emotions? If so, why?? Why do women see it as a sign of strength when men are vulnerable, but men don't seem to get it? Are they/are we dumb??

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Those men have issues of their own. We're often raised to be stoic. Many men are instilled with this idea that crying makes you weak, and that men aren't supposed to be weak from a young age. It makes many of us men absolute pieces of shit, IMO. It's the very foundation of toxic masculinity.

[–] Not_Alec_Baldwin@lemmy.world -4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Eh, I hate the phrase toxic masculinity.

Some people are assholes. Men are assholes, and women are assholes. Don't blame it on their gender.

[–] Nashua@programming.dev 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It’s not the gender being referred to as toxic, rather the societal expectation for men to behave a certain way - tougher, harder, to not show weakness through expressing emotion. Toxic masculinity can come from people of any gender.

Not to mention, toxic masculinity hurts men just as much as it hurts the people around them.

Men are victims of patriarchy too.

I hate that terms like toxic masculinity have been poisoned by such frequent misuse.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 5 points 1 year ago

The phrase "toxic masculinity" is not blaming anything on anyone's gender.

[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

"toxic masculinity" isn't anything to do with a single person. It's the aspects of us, as a gender-based society, that we see as "masculine" but are really just.. toxic. Toxic masculinity is telling your kids to have a stiff upper lip. Toxic masculinity is shoving those emotions down in the 'man place' because no one cares but you, bro. Society ain't got time for a man that can't stand.

Doing these things, experiencing these things, and being shaped by them doesn't mean someone themselves is toxic, but that they've gotten the TOXIC parts of masculinity mixed up with real masculinity.

There's toxic femininity, too. Off the top of my head, the culture around appearance is definitely an example. Yes, a lot of that was started, and still gets perpetuated, by men, but there's a lot of women feeding into that as well. Masculinity just tends to be overpowering, in many ways, and so toxic masculinity is easier to see and be pissed at than toxic femininity.