this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2023
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chapotraphouse
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Well I probably wouldn't start to like them in any sort of romantic sense.
Having some sort of drive to do something or be interested in a particular topic or endeavour is a pretty fundamental part of my brain. I'm defining "hobbies" very broadly here, but being able to do or create things for their own sake, especially with or for other people, is a major portion of the point of my life.
Even just enjoying whipping up a good dinner for yourself once in a while counts. Bingeing Netflix as an escape doesn't to me. Obviously this is pretty subjective but it's how I relate to people.
The other thing is that I like people with a confident and well-defined sense of self, and interests and hobbies are a major part of that. I've been at the point where I want to sink time into some of the things I care about and a partner of mine has little of their own to counterbalance that, and the mismatch with how we want to spend time can be difficult. I absolutely cannot be someone's only obsession.