"Did I see anyone stealing? No, I was too preoccupied with the dread of not being able to survive in this capitalist world, of course I wouldn't be paying attention to other people."

turns towards others "Y'all didn't see a thief right?" complete silence "You see, officer, nothing happened here. Carry on."

(Maybe I did see a someone casually put items in their bag, but again, I must've forgotten that I ever saw that, because the stress of life and all... 😉)