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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mountain_Captain6665 on 2023-09-03 09:24:14.
Danny, my bff for the past 15 years, has terminal cancer. She’s only 23, and things have been really hard. Immunotherapy and targeted chemo have helped quite a bit. I love her a lot, and can not stress enough how much she means to me. It has been her dream to go to Europe, so we went together to knock it off her bucket list. Just me and her.
On the last day of the trip while we both had too much alcohol, she told me that she was in love with me. I told her it wasn’t possible, but she said it was true.
For clarification, I am in a relationship with a man. We’re all bi, including Danny. I met him in highschool and we’ve been together for 7 years at this point. He is absolutely the love of my life, and the person I want to spend my life with. Danny knows this. She loves him too.
Back to Danny, she said she really needed to know before she dies if I’ve ever felt that way about her, if I ever thought about it.
If I’m honest, I hadn’t. I know it’s normal for most queer people to have crushes on many different people, especially in HS, but I met my bf so young I didn’t really get to experience much of that. I met him, and afterwards I was only into him.
Still she sounded so desperate for me to validate her feelings so I said, “You know what, if I was straight or had never met my boyfriend, I can see it. You’d be the only woman for me.” It made sense to say, and I don’t know if it’s a lie. We are best friends and share everything. Maybe it could be true. It’s hard to know because I’m so in love with my bf but the answer satisfied her and that satisfied me.
She ended up asking me to kiss her after, and that’s when I knew things had gone too far. I said I would never cheat on my bf, I’d rather cut off my arm. She said she needs this before she dies, a kiss isn’t a big deal and I said no, absolutely not. I said I would do anything for her but not this.
The next morning she apologized like crazy, and I said it was fine, but I’ve felt sick about the conversation since it happened. I feel a ton of guilt. I feel like I did wrong by my bf because I know he would not be happy about that conversation. He put a lot of trust with me, being totally fine with me going on trips alone with people and I feel like I spit in his face. He is a really jealous person, he would not be OK with me not telling him about this.
To make it more complicated, he’s also paying all her medical bills and is the reason she’s getting top-quality medical care. She lives with us, and he pays for everything because he loves me and he sees her like family. His family has money and ours don’t so his support has meant everything. It didn’t even occur to me to tell him because I know it would cause unnecessary drama, and she doesn’t have much time left. I don’t want her last moments with her only family, us, to be tainted.
AITA? Was that conversation inappropriate? I can’t tell if I’m making a bigger deal out of it. But I am filled with guilt and feel sick to my stomach.