this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse
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And yet pretty much everyone I became platonic with I develop a crush on / slightly fall for if they remain cool.
As I said, the "friend zone" as a concept is generally a cognitohazard. Having romantic interest turned down hurts, yes, but anticipating "friendzoning" and seeing it as some antagonistic experience that must result in a complete cutting off of the other person just raises the antagonism in the dating pool that much more.
It fucking sucks that so few cishet men are willing to try an actual nonromantic friendship with a cishet woman and I think normalizing the idea of "if no sex, then disappear" just makes that worse.
Growing up gay, I would have done anything if it meant the maximum consequence for confessing my feelings to someone who wasn’t interested was a “no”. Usually the best I could expect was a reaction so out the fucking wazoo, it’s as if I had shot their grandma to death in front of them. Worst case would be my brain becoming a plaything for a med student by next morning.
I’ve got a feeling that if I’d reacted the same way to a straight lady asking me out, society would suddenly become enlightened as to the proper way to behave.
I didn’t consider this angle until now, but I don’t think forcing people’s emotions to conform to what you want is an effective or stable way to fight misogyny.
Neither is normalizing the idea of resenting the other person's emotions that doesn't mutually share in those emotions.
I have trouble telling between my crushes and squishes sometimes, so I just choose to label the feelings based on whether the two of us feel like getting naughty. If we're not doing naughty stuff together then it's a squish, and I choose to be happy to be spending platonic time with them
Dang I'm getting old wtf is a squish
It's a persistent feeling of platonic attraction towards a person. The platonic equivalent of a crush.
Haven't you ever had a friend that you were excited and happy to spend time with in the initial stages of the relationship? One who gave you butterflies in your stomach, but who you didn't want to date?
Platonic crush