this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse
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To avoid getting into a semantic debate, the essence of what I'm saying is there is systemic, oppressive otherization experienced by people who are neurodivergent or differently abled. Then there are people who (because of childhood trauma or for whatever reason) develop maladaptive behaviors and cognitive distortions that affect their ability to have healthy interpersonal relationships. The usage of certain words to describe the former can be problematic when the words serve to reassert systemic otherization or dehumanization. Whereas in my opinion words that describe toxic interpersonal behaviors aren't doing so. Thus narcissist isn't a slur and we don't need to be careful to tolerate "different" (read:toxic) behaviors like we should tolerate different capabilities and inherent, unchangeable characteristics that define people.
Well, you said that the word narcissist is useful because it helps people identify abusive parents. Which would imply you think there's some connection between being an abuser and having NPD. So the fact that you think a mental disorder is responsible for abuse is an example of that systemic, oppressive otherization that we narcissists experience. I was told by a former friend that I don't deserve to live, because narcissists don't have a shred of humanity. Is that not oppressive otherisation to you?
I see your point here. The negative stigma associated with personality disorders isn't great. And the way the disorders are viewed by some medical professionals, the way some medical professionals treat people they categorize as PD, probably qualifies as systemic otherization.
I'm gonna have to reflect on this.
I agree that it's not desirable to conflate the two in common usage, but I don't really see how that can be done while continuing to use those specific terms.
What constitutes toxic behaviour is culturally subjective. Many people in the first group would have been considered a part of the second not so long ago.