this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2023
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the_dunk_tank
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Computer, give me a food description written by a soulless husk of a consulting firm that best caters to cracker yuppies from San Francisco
If you ever get invited to eat with cracker yuppies from the Bay Area, I hope you like bland, cold, slimy overpriced food. If you don't, they'll blame you for not appreciating the supposedly subtle accents/flavors/whatever of their bland cold slimy overpriced food.
Got exposed to plenty of that as a kid. Courtesy of my asshole family. Made a post about them 3 years ago, you might stumble across it. I’m grateful every day I didn’t turn out to be a failson loser preaching the virtues of capitalism
But back to the food, when my job was flying rich guys around, I had better food from jet catering companies.
I could say something about how weird and alien western rich fucks are regarding their food preferences (caviar is disgusting and is derived from animal cruelty in the first place, and it's a sort of rich fuck hazing ritual to eat it until one starts to supposedly like it), but I could also get carried away and write an entire book on that.
We used to have Caviar served for first class passengers for trans-pacific flights, there was always one guy who didn’t want it. The crew tried it once, I thought it tasted like nothing plus salt and it was slimy. At least I was being paid to eat it
Ever have a rich fuck tell you how you're supposed to properly eat it?
I have. He described the way you're supposed to (CW: gross description)
spoiler
encircle each fish egg with your practiced tongue and squeeze it until it pops and squirts, savoring each and every fish egg that way.The Zucc isn't the only rich asshole that gives me the shivers.
Luckily not to me directly, but I learned plenty of rich people table manners as a kid. Did you know you’re not supposed to use the butter knife directly on the bread, but you have to smear it on the side of your dedicated bread plate? And for the 10 different utensils they give you, it’s like the rich lady from Titanic said, work your way in.
But I guess that way makes sense if you spent 2000 dollars for two spoonfuls.
It's always been performative bullshit to constantly test fellow rich fucks for authentic rich fuckiness.
Caviar fucks