I don't understand how this was an issue of "lack of nuance" or "black and white" thinking... Either the term is racist or it is not? ... Is it disparaging a group of people based on racial/cultural/ethnic stereotypes? Yeah. Is it reinforcing and normalizing those stereotypes and upholding an ideal "normal" that is associated with being part of the dominant group? Yeah. Does it seem petty and pedantic? Racism generally does take on a petty and pedantic character... When you go out of your way to deny these things, you are only doing it in service of upholding racist norms. You don't have to continue to defend it, you can acknowledge that it could cause a community harm and move on with your life by avoiding the harmful behavior. Changing the way you speak might seem annoying or like an imposition, but if you think that racism is harmful and want to challenge it by being anti-racist, ultimately people have to change the way they think, speak, and behave... but it is a good change. Embrace it.