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Have you ever apologized to someone you wronged for a very long time, or received an unexpected apology in a similar way? (mander.xyz)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Mothra@mander.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Such a long title.

Basically I'm wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I've heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.

I've also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I've never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.

So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?

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[–] iod@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

One of my school bullies one day unexpectedly apologized. I had long forgotten about it but we one day met randomly in the city and he suddenly started talking about how he was sorry how he treated me. He genuinely seems to have changed, i was surprised how much he changed for the better actually. But this also goes only for him, there were 2 others and they were much worse.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's still good news, 33% less bullies sounds like a win. How did that feel though? Surprising yes but was it a happy moment or more of an awkward mix of feelings?

[–] iod@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

At the moment i was definitely more surprised and awkward but after some time i realized i was glad he did that, It brings some much needed closure. As i said, he wasn't always totally awful, he even defended me a few times when he recognized things went too far. Looking at his life afterwards, the way he got into theater, he seems to have made many changes for the better, don't know what prompted him.

What surprised me was also the way he spoke, his voice almost had a sort of constant tranquility, like he was at peace and wanted to atone for his behavior. But afaik he wasn't that much into religion to explain it.

But i was also always more angry at the other two, not him as much. I blame them for the social anxiety that plagued me my whole life.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's interesting, yes it makes sense that something like that would take some time to process.

You don't need to be into religion to undergo some kind of change like that. I don't know this person but acting really puts you in contact emotions and memories, not to mention it surrounds you with a more artistically, open minded crowd which can really influence you, in this case for the better. But maybe the trigger was something else entirely...

Sorry about the anxiety, that's rough. I've also hated people for years, it's a burden. Hope things improve for you

[–] iod@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

Yep i agree. Partly because of that bullying i had changed schools back then. Then a few years later it so happened that this person joined a folks dance group that another person from my new school here was attending and so i went and saw him at that performance. Even then i noticed he was different, although we didn't talk. So it's possible he changed even during those years.

Thank you!