this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2025
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Trans

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Why did people think it was bad that I identified as male online so I could be gay? (lemmings.world)
submitted 11 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) by CatDemons4@lemmings.world to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I’m comfortable being a woman with my lady parts. I also like to pretend. I told people I was male (transmasc, specifically) so that I could freely experience attraction to just men without having the “straight” label.

Whatever I was, I did NOT want to be straight, so presenting as a trans guy helped me feel better about myself. I could be a gay man. Then, I was a non-binary demiboy (either gay or bi but would only date men).

I felt like a girl in real life. I still do. I didn’t feel dysphoria nor a desire to transition in any way, neither socially nor physically nor anything. It just felt relieving to be a gay trans guy, but that still made me trans even though I didn’t identify as male nor did I ever see myself as male, right?

(I see myself as a woman and always have, I don’t have dysphoria. I identify as a woman who wants a penis. I think I’m moreso attracted to the idea of having male parts than actually seeing myself as a guy, but like I said, it relieved me to be gay and not straight.)

long story short, I’m a woman slightly attracted to the idea of herself being a trans guy or having a penis.

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

From OP:

I’m comfortable being a woman with my lady parts. I also like to pretend. I told people I was male (transmasc, specifically) so that I could freely experience attraction to just men without having the “straight” label.

From this I get the impression they are being dishonest. The exploring, gender identity, etc. isn't the issue here, the issue that will upset people is the pretending when it's not disclosed that it's pretend. It's fine to explore and role play, but not in a non-consensual manner when it involves other people.

I agree completely that OP might have some complex gender stuff going on, but that's not really what makes this dishonest or problematic. Even if OP later realizes they are actually a gay trans man, the point is that they were intentionally presenting themselves as something they don't think they are now - that's where the dishonesty is.

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I also like to pretend.

My brain just skipped over that the first time, oops.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 8 hours ago

no worries - I figured you might have missed part of the post or something 😅 I swear as I get older my reading comprehension is slipping (and I make so many typos now too) 😭