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How to stop "Fall in love" so easily? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by NONE_dc@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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(It's weird to call it "falling in love", because it's more like a childish and annoying infatuation, but anyway...)

I'm already terrible at socializing, but it's especially difficult for me to create genuine friendships with women because I can't help thinking of them as "possible future partners" (or some bullshit like that) and feel "jealous" when I see them talking to other men. It's stupid, a really stupid and annoying felling.

I know there is something in me that I need to change, but I don't know what, and I need some assistance.

I would like to feel more comfortable with my singleness and reserve my feelings for someone who can really reciprocate, while forging more non-romantic relationships with other people.

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[–] M1ch431@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I don't think there is any need to reserve or control your feelings - love freely however you'd like to be loved to everyone you encounter. If somebody doesn't hold love or respect for you in some form, I'd say that they probably aren't suited to being in a relationship with you, platonic or otherwise.

See loving somebody as not possessing/owning them or controlling them. If you are the best fit with somebody, you'll both know it and it'll click at some point. You'll both come to the understanding that you'd rather not be with anybody else on the journey you both share and mutually chose to be on.

Loosen up and be patient, honest, and direct. Give space to your potential love interests. If you think it would help, I'd also suggest seeing people you are very passionate about as friends you have feelings for, instead of love interests - just don't overextend yourself or give what you don't have to give.

Trust yourself, and trust that when everything feels right, you'll both open up at the best moment and define a proper relationship and healthy boundaries. If you truly have built trust and rapport with somebody, whatever you create with them will be a beautiful and fulfilling thing and there will be no room for jealousy or doubt because it's simply not necessary.