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What are some dating mistakes you often see when people try seeking a partner? (kbin.melroy.org)

submitted 5 days ago by Nyxicas@kbin.melroy.org to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

77 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have a few.

One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you'd explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.

Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you're suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don't like children. You're suddenly okay with dating religious people but you're not religious. Things like that. Because it means you're desperate and you're setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.

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[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (5 children)

I have a stupid question.

How do people "see how it goes" and ever have a positive experience? For me, even if the person is friendly and funny, I am so uncomfortable that I never want to do it again. Literally no one has ever felt any different for me. Even if I gain some level of pleasantness and satisfaction from the interaction, it is incredibly mild and doesn't ever make up for anything or make me wish to continue. I have tried seeing people repeatedly to no avail. The cost-benefit analysis never nets me out on top. I have always been a perpetual loner due in part to this. Does this mean I'm a psychopath or something? Because I cannot connect with and gain satisfaction from humans the way they seem to be able to with each other?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

That sounds so atypical as to make me think it may be best to have a conversation with a mental health professional about.

For me there's an initial discomfort, but it's the same discomfort I get when I'm exploring somewhere new. Its exciting and fun and I'm figuring out how I feel about this person/place. I get sad when I don't experience it enough

[–] Tehdastehdas@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

There are physiological causes of anxiety.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

This does not sound like a very common experience.

What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Is it all scenarios? Coffee date? Bar date?

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I don't know really. It's mostly anything outside of certain scenarios. I am comfortable at work and with my parents. Anything else I am always uncomfortable. My discomfort can range from mild to severe depending on the scenario.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 3 points 4 days ago

What is the discomfort? Are you afraid something will happen?

You should probably talk to a professional about this. I am not a professional, alas.

[–] piccolo@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Do you experience that with people who you consider to be friends?

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

Yes.

But I do not experience it with my parents and I do not experience it at work.

[–] Serinus@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That's just being anti-social, usually from anxiety. If it's something you'd like to change, it's probably worth seeing a professional therapist.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I have seen quite a few of those because people say you're supposed to keep looking if they aren't helping you. I've spoken to maybe 5 different ones at this point. They never have much of substance to say but are very quick to deduct large amounts of money from my bank account. I don't entirely understand what I am supposed to do to get something out of that. Not sure how many more I'm supposed to see or how much more thousands of dollars I'm supposed to spend before someone actually has any ideas of what to do beyond chatting with me and giving basic cookie cutter advice/platitudes.

I've honestly had similar enough chats with ChatGPT for free.

[–] NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Have you tried a psychologist? They have a lot more experience than a counselor and might have a better chance, but it'll cost more too. Also they can diagnose things which might make getting the right help easier if it's something more than just social anxiety that's getting missed.

[–] datavoid@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Psychologists are better than counselors, but bear in mind there is a ton of variety in the quality of psychologists too.

Also as someone with 3 psychologists in my family, I personally have them stereotyped as greedy, narcissistic opportunists. But again I'm probably biased...