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Everyone grieves in their own way. My mom died when I was 36. My dad died this year. It was really rough for a while when my mom died, it made my alcoholism worse, which lead to me losing my job, which made my alcoholism worse. I had horrible nightmares that I woke up screaming from for about six months. Eventually, with the help of my wife, I put my life back together.
I wasn't close with my dad, he left when I was young. Pretty much feel the same since he died.
When it happens just do what feels natural. Your loved ones will understand. If you have kids try to explain it to them once you get a good grasp on it yourself. There aren't any answers at the bottom of a thousand bottles of vodka though, I can promise you that much.
I'm atheist as well. My mom was a severely mentally ill alcoholic and she's genuinely better off dead. If there was a hell, my dad would be in it, so I'm glad there isn't. I think it's more comforting, not less.
I appreciate your thoughtful and honest comment. Yeah, I don't know... I'm really close with both my parents. That certainly makes it worse. We've been through a lot of shit. My parents separated once in my teens, then fully completed the divorce under COVID under my house with my wife and our first kid. Was a nightmare that made covid orders of magnitude worse — but we got through it. I got my dad out of his suicidal/homicidal mania; I got my mom clean off alcohol with the help of my sister and wife.... They've both still got a lot of flaws, but at least now my parents are at least on speaking terms for the sake of their grand-kids and us. In some ways, despite all the turmoil of the world, I know these are going to be some of the better years where I can enjoy their company and see the nostalgia in their eyes as they spend time with my kids. We grew up religious but my whole family shifted toward agnosticism over the years, so yeah, I don't expect much after death but it's hopeful thought despite my better judgement I suppose...