I'm starting to think that my life is over and I don't want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can't find a job.
When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C's and B's and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn't he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.
I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I'm addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don't see my life going anywhere and when I'm not on drugs I'm miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can't do this anymore.
EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It's not glamorous but it's some money.
I'm pretty damn terrible at this, so I can't give you any real advice, but Imma try dammit:
I've had a pretty rough life myself thus far, I've had serious struggles with suicide, depression, addiction, being abandoned by my family, being homeless, and so on, and one thing I can tell you is this: the absolute simultaneous curse as well as blessing that is & always has been absolutely central to human motherfucking existence is the phenomenon of hope. It always exists, even when you think it doesn't. Even when you don't want it to. Hell, especially when you don't want it to.
Keep going.
That's all I can say on that. I have no fucking clue what advice to give nor frankly do I have any right to. I'm not in your shoes. But you are a human, which sounds innocuous and obvious but in my experience that automatically means you're stronger than you think you are. You've survived this long, haven't you? You may feel like a shell of a human being but you've still persisted. I don't care what anyone tells you, I don't care what you tell yourself. That's your proof of your strength right fucking there.
Just keep going.
Feel free to complain the whole fucking time—hell, I do every goddamn day—but keep going. Even if it's just to spite existence, keep. going.
I don't know you, I've not met you, but just from what you say, I can tell you one thing: I do believe in you. I mean that, dammit.