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Women of Lemmy, how to pleasure someone that does not enjoy any clitoris stimulation? (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by MTK@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

NSFW 72 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Well, as the title says, I'm facing an issue that I'm not sure how to improve.

My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.

She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can't get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.

So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.

Maybe something I haven't tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I'm her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can't figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.

ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.

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[–] pmk@lemmy.sdf.org 24 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Is this something she expects you to figure out for her?
If I were you, I'd explain that you're open to try anything in any way that she is willing to try with you, but the initiative must come from her. You are there for her to help her figure it out, if she's interested in trying something.
If she is interested in exploring this, she will. If she is not, well, then nothing you can do will help or convince her. Instead it could become a stressful expectation in itself.

[–] random_character_a@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago

My past experience with a shy conservative girl with problems of pain or oversensitivity is that you can't get anything out of her, except "it's all fine, it's all good, feels nice" and you are left wondering, if you just suck at it. Just don't go there before she opens up.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There are no expectations from her, she is enjoying it and does state that she is and seems satisfied. It's just that I'm her first and from my experience with others I think she is missing out on a higher level of pleasure that with others always involved the clitoris.

[–] pmk@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If you don't mind me asking, how is this affecting you? How do you feel about it?

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

I'm okay,I just want to see if I can help her get that feeling that she might be missing, but I'm also ready to accept things as they are if nothing works