this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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[–] tourist@lemmy.world 79 points 5 days ago (4 children)

why jesus cakes hanging out

Also my money on the four armed elephant dude with an axe

[–] Buffalox@lemmy.world 32 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Yes it looks like an iron axe, and God has a problem with Iron:
https://biblehub.com/judges/1-19.htm

Judges 1:19

The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had chariots fitted with iron.

So the idea that God is almighty is pretty ridiculous, according to the Bible that is.

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I never actually read much of the thing

I just assert that the burning bush was absolutely cannabis sativa, despite any solid evidence to the contrary. I don't care that it's not native to the region or whatever.

Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

[–] Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 5 days ago

Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

For the same reason as now - because Israel wanted their land.

[–] Fermion@feddit.nl 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I can't claim to have much experience in the matter, but I don't think people who just chill generally have chariots fitted with iron. Like if your neighbor happened to have a tank and a bunker, would you say they're just chilling?

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

Plus they had already taken the hill country from presumable whoever was there. So if I’m in the plains country, I’m not gonna be super chill with these land takers all up in my shit.

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

Yeah once Phil takes his resperidone and valium combo he's chill as fuck

Wish his wife didn't poach more than half the valium though. Fucking rude as hell. I wanted some.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

If we consider the Sistine Chapel's depiction of the realm of heaven to be divine inspiration, the clothes were added later after some complaints.

The whole concept of original sin is such that pure beings such as Adam and Eve did not even realize that they were naked until they ate the fruit of carnal knowledge.

Therefor it is canon that God likes to hang out with his wang out. Freeballin.

[–] pinkystew@reddthat.com 4 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Also Jesus was a bottom

Do you think he was topping 12 dudes a night? They started a religion after him because he was nice not because he was a multiple cummer

So it totally makes sense for him to be flying cakes in a fight with a Hindu god

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'm not sure what your religion is but I regret to inform you that you're not going to the good place.

[–] AlolanYoda@mander.xyz 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Based on having had to read that comment I would say we're already in the bad place

[–] pinkystew@reddthat.com 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I'm a slut for cum fill me Judas

~Jesus Christ, probably

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

Consider that the first time he broke out the superpowers was when a wedding didn't have booze. So he turned WATER INTO WINE. Just don't rule out him topping 12 dudes a night is all I'm saying. He brought the party.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Is me not a multiple cummer? Why do they say Jesus will come again?

[–] pinkystew@reddthat.com 2 points 5 days ago

if Jesus is a top that changes everything

it means he really is daddy

[–] lowleveldata@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago

No pants for serious mode