this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2024
211 points (99.1% liked)

Asklemmy

43770 readers
1352 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] blindsight@beehaw.org 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Family first" is unidirectional. Parents put their kids first. That's the job. I signed up for it, and I'm going to prioritize then as much as I can.

[โ€“] tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's a bit different, and as it should be, but then it's likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.

"Family first" in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.

I'm an ideal world, the phrase wouldn't exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I've instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.

And I'm forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents' egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.

Family is a sorting category word though, so while there's truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it's deserved or not. It's frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who've continually taken advantage of their kin.

Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from "parents must care for their child" by social and biological need. I don't owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.

People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn't immediately imply the child owes the parent for "bringing them into this world", and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.

[โ€“] mitrosus@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks for sharing your story and view. On a side note, your language is superb. Do you write as career / hobby?

[โ€“] tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Heh, thanks! No but my girlfriend hates that I don't. I grew up reading books that my other (not crappy) older brother did and his influence greatly impacted my interest in science and language.

One brother is a psychopath, the other is literally the type of scientist that is changing the world. I've considered trying at writing some once I finish cleaning up my life from the people I've had to excise.

For what it's worth, I just have spent my life having to constantly revise how I communicate and sometimes it helps. Usually it just annoys people if they aren't really interested.

It is a joy to accurately communicate with people who care you. It is also a joy to annoy others who don't.

Please write. Please write.