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Printed 108 years ago today in The Tacoma Times. I removed some blotches and modified the brightness/contrast, see the original.
Found on the Library of Congress site.
Honorable mention for October 4th: https://tile.loc.gov/storage-services/service/ndnp/wa/batch_wa_juanita_ver01/data/sn87093407/00200290616/1913100401/0908.pdf
The part I find remarkable is how far we've slid backwards in the last century. I don't see a modern version of this narrative being run in contemporary US papers.
A 2020s Everett True would be mostly him throwing a succession of mobile phones and computers through walls, in a perfectly understandable response to website/app dark patterns and the like.
You're hired! E-Tru's public domain, so you could probably just AI-generate it...
No need, we've slipped so far back he has become relevant again