this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2024
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Lying on the couch feeling anxious about the things I should be doing.
Who says you should? You enjoy lying on that couch!
Just... Ugh.
Now I have a bit more function, I want to address this. Being locked into myself while doom scrolling on the couch is not enjoyable. It's not something I want to or should enjoy. It is distinctly unpleasant and a reminder of just how much I am a slave to my fucked up brains constant need for stimulation. I have things I will enjoy and WANT to go do and fucking can't because I'm stuck to the couch or stuck in my chair, doing something that provides my brain immediately activity. It fucking sucks. And, when I talk about how ADHD preventing me from doing stuff sucks, there's always someone who comes along saying something along the lines of "your productivity doesn't define your worth =D it's ok to not do anything!" And like. I understand what you're saying and that you're trying to help and that that's probably something that's positive to a lot of people but you just don't understand that it's not a job or a hobby or chores not getting done that sucks, it's being a nonfunctional human being that's the problem and that that positive platitude applied to THAT problem is saying "stop trying to be a functional human being =D" and that is so incredibly frustrating.
I'm sorry, I understand the positive message you're trying to spread but it's... When someone complains about not being functional, telling them to enjoy their misery is actively unhelpful.
Hey, I'm sorry. I don't understand your problem, even though my wife and some of my children have similar problems. I have had depression though, and then there is no enjoying anything. Maybe that's similar?
When you are trapped in an episode, is there anything helpful? I hate standing still and observing while someone/something suffers. It's not easy to just walk away, for me.
Is there anything at all that helps?