when they have a proper conceptualization and understanding of the world, absolutely, the problem is that we don't exactly raise them with one. This is the reason the manosphere is so prominent.

The problem is not individuals being assholes and raping people for no reason, the problem is a lack of instilling a good social culture in boys as they grow leading them to be primed to be a good person in society. Like i said currently we just kinda shit them out of hs and into college or not, and that's literally it. There's nothing to be interested in or excited about. If you're a woman growing up in modern society there's a lot to be interested in, college enrollments are up, more women are getting educated, more women are going into large businesses and managerial rolls, there's a lot of perceived social progress there.

the problem is men don't really have anything of the sort to care about. Everything they previously had to care about was removed and reinstated with something counter intuitive to what it proposed. We haven't replaced what no longer exists, there is just a void here, and it's no surprise that men enroll in college less, pursue higher education less, and are generally worse off in life (higher rates of suicide etc)

I think you've touched on the problem at hand here, i think the part you don't quite realize is that this is a secondary knock on effect of the prior (what i just mentioned) this is all to be expected as a result from something of this caliber.

i think right now one of the best strategies that we have is to build up the capability of being a good role model, and in general being a good person in boys/young men, it's a little bit reminiscent of previous norms, but we don't really have many options here. One thing that is bound to be pretty effective here is utilizing them to be a social group leader of their domain (mostly other men)

[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You raise some excellent points here, however I'm not entirely swayed.

Your point about raising men with a good social culture is a good one, however it has its roots in the fallacy which really lies at the heart of the matter - that only men need fixing.

As a man, I've sat through a work conversation where a group of women (including my direct senior) have openly denigrated men in humour (I found it edgily funny). If it had been the other way around, the men involved would be talking to HR the next day, no laughs involved. The standards to which both parties are held need to be the same, though what those standards are is anybody's guess.

Equality, equity, justice: that lovely ladder graphic. If you give students extra resources, their outcomes are better. "Women in stem", "women's networking day", all aimed in one place at one group. In our drive to redress imbalance against women, we have created one against men. It isn't the fact that young men feel isolated and need socialising that's stopping them, it's the fact that the deck is rigged against them and we celebrate that rigging.

What you see with the "manosphere" (never heard it called that before, I like the name), is the froth and bubbles. The boys who are angry, but who can't do anything about it, are the ones who tumble in there and become monsters instead.

The solution isn't simple, and while socialisation will help a little, there needs to be fundamental changes to the social world before we can move forward. If your argument were to be, say, socialising both men and women to be kinder to one another, I'd be with you.

[–] KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Your point about raising men with a good social culture is a good one, however it has its roots in the fallacy which really lies at the heart of the matter - that only men need fixing.

i think this is a misunderstanding of my point. I'm not saying that men are fucking stupid and retarded, i'm saying that society has let men slip through it's fingers into a pit of despair, with little to help them crawl out of it. Women are socially better equipped to deal with this for various different reasons, and socially they're doing pretty good right now because of their workforce and education push happening right now, which is a good thing, presumably they will have a similar problem in the future, however i don't think it's going to be as significant as they all have really solid support structures, men often have none. Socially it's ok for women to engage in them and to partake in them, socially for men, it's not nearly as acceptable.

As a collective society, fathers, mothers, family relatives, we all need to work and focus on raising better men going forward who can be more functional in society, as well as giving them a clear place to exist, because right now, there isn't really a place for them to exist.

As a man, I’ve sat through a work conversation where a group of women (including my direct senior) have openly denigrated men in humour (I found it edgily funny). If it had been the other way around, the men involved would be talking to HR the next day, no laughs involved. The standards to which both parties are held need to be the same, though what those standards are is anybody’s guess.

this is definitely a problem, and this is why i'm leaving these comments, people focus too much on this aspect of the issue, rather than the aspect we should be collectively focusing on, including you at the moment.

Equality, equity, justice: that lovely ladder graphic. If you give students extra resources, their outcomes are better. “Women in stem”, “women’s networking day”, all aimed in one place at one group. In our drive to redress imbalance against women, we have created one against men.

this is a different story entirely, and im not sure how much of this is a problem, though it's probably not the optimal way of going about it either so.

It isn’t the fact that young men feel isolated and need socialising that’s stopping them, it’s the fact that the deck is rigged against them and we celebrate that rigging.

i think it's more along the lines that men are essentially an english speaker who up and moved to a place with a completely different culture and a completely different language, they just can't really do much in that environment because the expectations they have don't exist in the real world. There's a reason we see male partners break up with females who begin making more than them, theres a reason they have higher suicide rates, there's a reason men are generally less sociable than women. There's a reason behind all of this, and it isn't some failure of the previous social system, it's a failure of the previous system, and the current one. The worst aspects of both systems are rearing the ugly sides of their faces simultaneously right now, and it's compounding somewhat excessively here.

What you see with the “manosphere” (never heard it called that before, I like the name), is the froth and bubbles. The boys who are angry, but who can’t do anything about it, are the ones who tumble in there and become monsters instead.

exactly, and the reason why they end up in there, is because it gives them some sense of purpose, and some sort of drive, redefining social norms back to how they were in the 50s makes everything they do more logical in their framework. We need the modern version of this that isn't predicated on women having no rights, and men having literally only the protection of women to deal with. (i didn't come up with the name btw, it's what online peeps refer to it as)

The solution isn’t simple, and while socialisation will help a little, there needs to be fundamental changes to the social world before we can move forward. If your argument were to be, say, socialising both men and women to be kinder to one another, I’d be with you.

my argument is that we aren't raising them correctly, we're not raising them with the proper expectations or any at all, and this has a clear and defined impact on the life of men going forward, it's not hard to demonstrate it. It's not hard to redefine the role of a person in society, we just need to do it from a young age. The broader philosophical and child rearing debate here is how specifically to do that, but we all have people that we all love for being genuinely good humans, jimmy carter, mr rogers, etc. People like that are of a dying breed i worry. Starting there would at least give us something to work with on the short span of it.