this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2020
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ahem Hello lovely lady. My pronouns are he/him/his. Don’t worry, I’m not like those other cis white men haha. Cis get the bullet! Mayocide! Hehe. You should check out my reddit account. I’ve gotten a lot of karma from owning tankies and doing funny bits. But sometimes I can be a bit of a goofball troll too. Yesterday, I went on the_donald and told those chuds to post hog and they banned me haha! A subreddit enforcing its rules, priceless! Sounds like they need a safe space. Not that there is anything wrong with safe spaces though! I think I’m a lot like the twitter account dril when I troll the chuds. Have you heard of dril? That’s D-R-I-L. It’s a pretty crazy twitter account that says silly stuff that you can repeat verbatim to own people. Corncob haha! You should look it up. It’s dumb but hilarious. Whoops sorry, I shouldn’t be using ableist words like dumb. How careless of me. Anywho, have you ever heard of a band called death grips? PRETTY PRETTY NINE MOTHERFUCKER! Haha that’s a death grip lyric reference. Whoops, now everyone is staring at me because I used my outside voice hehe. What’s that? You need to go to the bathroom? If you’d like, I could follow you to make sure no chuds give you any trouble for going in your preferred bathroom because that is my chivalrous duty. Wait, where are you going?! Just a pint of mouthfeel before you go? Please ma’am, might I just have a microwatt of girldick?

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[–] Melon@hexbear.net 1 points 4 years ago (1 children)

Pretty sure it's an original spin of this neckbeard copypasta:

Gasps astonishingly, breaks out in cold sweat, adjusts coat H-H-Hello m'lady, what could a fair maiden as beautiful as you be doing on this fine day? I hope the damning heat isn't too harsh on your lovely skin! Tips fedora

If i may so suggest, would you care to join me for a sumptous repast, at my home? Smiles charmingly My personal chef has prepared a lovely meal for two, and i'd rather not let it get to waste now, would we? Winks at the lovely m'lady

I must insist on your attendance, i can't let a day like this go by without knowing the joys of having a dining companion with me, especially when its one as beautiful as you ;). Répondez s'il vous plaît, i shall await for you, m'lady, basked in candlelight and infront of a wonderful dinner. tips fedora again, then skates away on limited edition heelys.

[–] uwu@hexbear.net 1 points 4 years ago

It's not original. I saw this on the CTH subreddit like, a year ago.