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Thank you for the excellent response!
The problem seems to be a mental disconnect they just cant overcome.
Immediately after criticizing some racist news story (so not all bad!) they then mocked the reporter or news reader for their appearance.
I pointed out the hypocrisy of that being just the same as how racism starts. I don't think it sunk in in any meaningful way though.
It's an incremental effort that does not always pay off, but anything bigger, more sudden and especially anything hostile, always fails.
I feel like on some level the bigot knows that all they're doing is being a bully, but it's so much easier and comforting to be a bully than to be honest with themselves or examine themselves that they've never exercised that muscle.
So anything more than incremental support for a bully to be more tolerant is interpreted as an attack and then they're like okay so I have to change this so my perspective/sense-of-self can never be contradicted again.
I guess that's it, that the goal is not to encourage them to be a different person, but rather to encourage them to be part of something new or unfamiliar: tolerance.
Yeah for someone to change their whole viewpoint takes time.
Imagine if someone was gonna try to argue that your opinion on a recent conflict is wrong. Obv if it's that confronting you're gone disregard that. But if he says something about it every once in a while you start to think more about and then you learn and grow. Because either you come to the conclusion your standpoint is really short sighted, or you at least appreciate their perspective.
And let me be clear: whatever you learn, it will be a good thing, because the more perspective, the more experience.
I have a friend who votes for trump and we clash heads a lot about politics, but I know I will learn so much about his viewpoint it is worth it to a certain degree, and I'm not gonna try to "convince" him, because I want him to critically think about his opinions and learn what he needs to from my perspective.
If you wanna fight racism for example, be a living example about how stupid it is and how nice it feels to know you can judge people by what they do and not what they look like. Don't talk about, just be clear whenever the topic comes up.
While I do completely agree with all your points, I don't see what I can learn from mocking someones 'wonky lip' or 'saggy eye lids' for example.
And for context, this isn't a new issue, it's been brought up a good few times over the last year or so.
Pointing out hypocrisy rarely changes the person's mind. They consider it a personal attack and categorize you as an opponent. I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't say, but rather to help you predict likely responses.
Also, people learn discrimination growing up. It takes time to unlearn, and many people never do. You won't always succeed, but at the same time, often your words and actions are felt my multiple people simultaneously.