this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] MazeMouse@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

Never. There is a cut off for boring people however. Every person who decides to shit on your hobbies because they don't find them interesting needs to be cut off.

[–] Silviecat44@vlemmy.net 7 points 2 years ago (3 children)

There are heaps of old people (60+) who play Elite Dangerous and Stardew Valley. Never stop gaming just because of your age!

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[–] BingoBangoBongo@midwest.social 7 points 2 years ago

Its dumb to call video games childish then go home and flip on love is blind or some shit like that.

[–] GolGolarion@pathfinder.social 7 points 2 years ago

I think it's less of an age cutoff and more of a binary "do you base your identity around this" sort of deal. You'd never catch me calling myself a gamer, even though I'll play video games fairly regularly

[–] Phx333@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I’m 62 year old woman I started playing at 38, in 1999. I play a lot and I have no intention on stopping. I have never met a potential partner that saw it as a negative, but I would never impose it on them or not be available for activities because I would prefer gaming.

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[–] decavolt@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm 48. I was dating five years ago, and now I'm married to a woman who doesn't play games at all. So I'll say this: when a date says "oh dear" or some such when you say you play games, that's a red flag. Even if they don't personally play, it's pretty shitty for a partner (or potential partner) to try to make you feel bad about about your hobbies. Absolutely fuck that noise. They don't have to like the same things, but it's a whole other situation for them to tell you it's dumb or wrong for you to like what you like. That goes double when you have kids and you play with them.

I play games, I draw, and I play D&D. Hell, I just bought a Steamdeck and am goingto build an arcade cabinet with my stepson. My wife does none of that, and it's super important to me that I not be shamed about my hobbies. I would never shame her about hers.

There is no age cutoff. The idea that fun things are childish is a stupid concept pushed by boring people on the rest of us because they don't know how to have fun anymore.

[–] rwhitisissle@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Posts like this remind me of the Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last, in which a man who loves to read gets knocked out and wakes up after the world has been devastated by hydrogen bombs. The entire episode leading up to this had most of the characters chastising the protagonist for being a "reader," who spends all of his time reading "doggerel" such as, wait for it, David Copperfield. Perhaps this was a genuine attitude held, if perhaps not as extremely, by people in the early or middle parts of the 20th century before television was truly ubiquitous, who looked at reading as frivolous or immature entertainment. But my point is that you're facing a cultural attitude that will probably shift more and more in favor of inclusiveness as time goes on. Almost all women in their 30s that I know either play video games themselves or just uncritically accept that other people play video games for fun. I can see why women in their 40s might be less amenable to it. I don't have anything to add other than that you're both ahead of the curve and a victim of the times.

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[–] UziBobuzi@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I'll be 59 this year and have been gaming since Pong. They'll pry my controller from my cold, dead fingers. Also, I'm a woman as is the circle I play with, who are also all older women (45+). We do exist and couldn't give a fuck about what society thinks about it.

Better gaming than just being a potato watching TV every spare minute with no other outlet.

Gaming's been shown to help prevent dementia because it keeps the brain active.

Consider that the women that you've been trying to date that don't appreciate gaming just aren't the right partner for you.

[–] Asenath@kbin.social 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

50 year old female, been playing video games since the Atari 2600. With the SO since 1996.

Methinks OP just needs to meet more women. There is no "cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime".

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[–] smallaubergine@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

Why do you care what other people/society thinks? Play/watch/read/do whatever you want. As long as you're not hurting anybody and you're enjoying yourself why would it matter

[–] bundes_sheep@lemmy.one 6 points 2 years ago

I'm in my late 50s and I'm a PC gamer on linux. I game more than ever now since gaming on linux is a complete joy right now, at least on Steam.

Gaming is something that I'll be doing long after playing tennis or biking or hiking are options. If someone else (friend, family member, date) doesn't like it, no sweat. I don't like to do a lot of other things people like to do and can game on my own. If they can't handle it, well, bullet dodged I guess.

[–] I1l0o0l1I@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago

There's absolutely no age cut off for video games. I would even go further and say that more seniors should play video games.

But, I also wouldn't be too judgy with people who think video games are for kids. This is all thanks to decades of marketing. Atari, the first popular video game console, was sold along side TVs and other electronics and was targeted towards everyone. But then Nintendo decided to market their console as a toy, instead of a consumer electronics product. Also, they had to pick a "boy" vs "girl" aisle, and they picked "boy", which is why video games aren't seen as girly.

[–] waspentalive@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I am over 60 and play Minecraft regularly.

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[–] Mapguy@lemmy.one 6 points 2 years ago (3 children)

No cutoff. I'm also in my 40s. When we get put in the retirement homes, we're going to have huge LAN parties again.

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[–] Elegast@lemm.ee 6 points 2 years ago

If they have issues with your hobbies they're not worth it. Who cares what you're into, if it doesn't negatively affect things, who the hell cares. My wife and I regularly game right next to each other and we're well past the "normal" age for gamers.

[–] June7th@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I'm only in my early 30s and have no intention of not playing video games because I hit a certain age. I think a lot about this old lady I used to follow on Twitter who would review JRPGs and how cool she is (unfortunately I stopped using Twitter and don't remember her handle). I think these days, it's less likely for it to be "weird", whereas I remember being a kid and hearing people say it was childish.

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[–] aedyr@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 years ago

Yeah I think this is more a compatibility filter. If it's an interest of yours and makes you happy, there is no cutoff.

[–] Faydaikin@beehaw.org 6 points 2 years ago

There's no cut-off. You've just been unlucky with the women you've met.

They have no interest in it, therefor it's not a selling point for them. It's simply a missmatch of types.

[–] Grant_M@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm 55 now and plan to continue to casually play video games until I RIP IRL

[–] StaticFlow@feddit.uk 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)
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[–] Scary_le_Poo@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm 41 and not only do I play games everyday I also develop them. My girlfriend enjoys the fact that I play games. When we aren't together a lot of the time I will stream them and most of the time she's my only viewer lol

She is very supportive and encouraged me to do things that are fun.

Honestly, if the women you are meeting aren't supportive of your hobbies and what you enjoy doing to relax, then trust me when I say you don't want anything to do with them. These women are telling you who they are, believe them and steer clear.

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[–] Gazelli@lemmy.one 5 points 2 years ago

I've got 20 years on you and I don't see an end to my gaming days anytime soon.

[–] loving_kindness@midwest.social 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’m a similar age and also a gamer. For me it feels generational more than age. Gen X always seemed to see video games as a kids activity, even when they were in their 20s. While millennials see it as just another pastime, like tv and movies.

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[–] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.

There's no drop off for gaming.

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[–] MagicShel@programming.dev 5 points 2 years ago

Anyone dating at 47 (assuming they are near your age) should be taking what they deal with. If gaming is a show stopper for them, I'm not sure I'd worry about them saying how shallow they are. Easy for me to say as I'm married, but I'm going to be 50 sooner then I'd like and while I don't game as much as I used to and I know things like WoW which entail a time commitment are not games I can play, but I still game some nights. Sometimes lots of nights.

[–] droenn@lemmy.one 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I always thought I’d stop at 40. 3 months out from that, cant see myself slowing down anytime soon. 😎

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[–] calhoon2005@aussie.zone 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] Roko@lemmy.click 5 points 2 years ago

It's a relatively new form of entertainment. Books, theater, movies and TV all have had more time to develop and become culturally relevant. Video games are young and have had a steep growth curve in terms of innovation, scope, and market share. I feel it will become more and more common for older folks to play games and it will become more and more acceptable and normal. I feel that mobile gaming is legit also and people might not realize that their Candy Crush or Solitaire games are video games! It's a wide and versatile type of entertainment so the people who consume it will be as well.

[–] hellequin67@lemmy.fmhy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

I'm 56 and play Minecraft and PUBG mobile.

As long as you're having fun I don't see why it should have an age limit.

Unless you're playing specifically children's games.

[–] philpo@feddit.de 5 points 2 years ago

I am a paramedic and used to do some part-time work in nursing homes. In other words: I see a lot of old folks.

There is no age cut-off and anyone telling you there is one is simply gatekeeping/steering up drama.

I have seen an old WW2 fighter pilot who had a kick ass Sim Suite with multiple screen,etc. in his room (was in the early 2000 so still old heavy screens). Every evening an aide rolled him "in" his setup with his wheelchair and he "flew" for hours, either MSFS or various fighter games. (I feel really sorry for him that he died before the wave of really good milsim games came out).

I saw countless people with NES, SNES, PS1,PS2 etc.- just because their body was failing them their mind wasn't. While motor control is an issue we nowadays have much better alternatives for these cases.

And we have overwhelming scientific evidence that gaming does keep your finemotric up to date and decreases some challenges of aging. And online gaming has been proven to reduce loneliness in older people - which is a problem especially older men face.

I know,you are not nearly that old as the people in my examples. But they played since the 80ies.

So why shouldn't you?

[–] Zagaroth@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Meh, my wife and I are 48 and are both playing the same JRPG phone game (Another Eden. It's a Gatcha, but plays more like a traditional single-player JRPG). And she loves to watch me play FFXIV and other story-heavy games that she has trouble playing herself. And we are in a D&D game Saturday nights.

So I wouldn't worry about it too much, you just gotta find the right woman.

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[–] storksforlegs@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Just be open about how much you enjoy games. You wouldnt want to get into a relationship with someone who dislikes your interests anyway, right? Think of it as a way to filter out people who arent compatible.

[–] liminalDeluge@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

My parents are in their 50s and do not view video games as an unusual hobby. My father regularly plays games with his friends (aged 30s to 50s) on Friday nights and the weekend.

The only person I've met who viewed video games like what you describe was a mid-60s gentleman who struggled to believe that I played video games regularly and had a good GPA in college. His hobbies were golf and walking, though, so he wasn't about to call anyone else's hobby "boring."

There is no age or demographic for whom video games are an unacceptable pastime. There are merely individuals who have their own weird hangups regarding the hobbies of others.

[–] Drewelite@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

From my parents, my wife, and her parents I definitely got a, "Oh you still play games, like you're a kid. That's cute." vibe. But they we're pretty accepting once they realized it wasn't some hold over phase from being a teenager and a legitimate hobby with a community that increases technical knowledge, too.

That being said I still feel like a kid in one respect. You know that meme, where you're playing an online game and your mom comes in and says "Pause it and come to dinner." I get similar comments from my wife. And she'll get annoyed sometimes. Like, "I needed you help on something but I guess your game is more important." But I just sunk 45 mins of effort into a match of CS:GO, my rank is on the line which I've spent a lot more time on, it's actually pretty rude to ask me to drop that because you want the trash out. Not to mention I'm tanking my teammates ranks. Like if my hobby was soccer, you wouldn't walk out onto the pitch during a game holding everyone up and expect me to have a conversation about repainting the bathroom. But because they can't see the game, they don't get it.

So in that respect it can be difficult as an adult. You do have more responsibilities and relationships you need to maintain. So you need to be clear about setting aside time for your hobby. Communicate well with those in your life about it and what you need from them.

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[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The hell? There's no age-gate for anything. Except maturity. If you think someone enjoying something is childish, instead of feeling happy for them, then you're the one who has growing up to do.

Books are also a great hobby, which many find boring, but it's never considered an age thing just because the typical adult isn't into reading books. The same goes for games. Not everyone enjoys them, but that's a matter of personal taste, not age. Sure, our tastes can change during our lives, and some people "grow-out" of their childhood interests. But that might be more correlation than causation.

Take my dad, for instance, I remember him gaming on his PC and PS1 during my pre-teens, but he stopped gaming for many years. But recently, he got BACK into gaming, and asked me to build him a modern PC to play on, since it's been so long since he's used non-apple computers. These days, when he finds the right type of game for himself, he is more difficult to get away from it then I am.

Games are a new medium, and new things get adopted first by new generations. So maybe older ones consider them a "kids" thing, but at 26, I see no reason why video games would ever stop being a part of my life.

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[–] Saintzillla@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago

33M with a daughter that will be learning Rocket League as soon as she shows any interest. 😂

It's definitely skewed by generation, but it's just an ignorance thing.

My dad quit videogames when I chopped him down with a 180 in 1080 Snowboarding on the N64 right before the finish line.

He loves watching Star Trek.

I game about how much he watches TV. One is passive. One is engaged. Both are fine.

He has spent most of my life thinking they're dumb, but has kind of chilled out over time. Just wish he would check out Starfield or whatever when it comes out.

That said, gaming is polarizing. You either come from a place where it's misunderstood to celebrated or you come from a place where it's vilified.

I have an uncle who put down video games my whole life like I was wasting it.

I'm happily married with a house and a kid and my life is totally kickass.

He's got a (thus far) bad investment in a sim space these days. His sons company. He insists it isn't video games.

You know... It's literally the highest end of gaming... Like, wut.

[–] silentdanni@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago

I’m 34 and can’t say I’ve ever had this problem. All the people I’ve gone out with just see it as a hobby I have and nothing else. I think the may problem is when people assume you don’t have any other hobbies or don’t do anything else because you like video games. I find that as I get older I’m gravitating towards vastly different hobbies so when the topic of video games comes up their reaction is usually what you describe: “Ah my kids love them!” then we move on to the next topic. That has never been a deal breaker though, which I assume is what you’re somewhat implying in your post.

[–] lemillionsocks@beehaw.org 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I think elder millennials are definitely at the cutoff point for it. I'm in my early 30s so I'm a millenial with a capital M. Right in the middle of the generation. I'd also argue that we were the pivoting point for mainstream gaming.

Based on interactions with people my age and older I'd say the cutoff is closer to like 35 maybe 38? Even in my generation I remember growing up in high school and middle school that it wasnt as socially acceptable to play videogames for girls. As a 34 year old I'll say they werent uncommon and I played games with girls growing up and it wasnt hard to find girls my age in hs and college who played games, but it seems like the majority of girls were encouraged to age out of it. If I were to make up a number I'd say maybe 1/4 played video games? maybe half depending on the setting.

Even among guys I'd argue that after a certain age a majority of guys kept to a very specific type of game like sports games and maybe an FPS like halo or Cod.

It was during my late teens and early 20s that geek chic really took hold and it became more and more socially acceptable to like hobbies that were previously seen as childish or nerdy and it not be a big deal. I feel like a lot of "closeted" nerds and gamers became more open about the silly things they liked, and those who stopped because they were embarrassed as teens were willing to pick up a controller again.

The cultural shift happened right in the thick of things though so the closer you are to gen X the more likely you were expected to outgrow things and the closer you were to gen z the more you're allowed to just have fun.

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