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Grandma thinks I’m “weird” and “obsessed” every time I talk about anything with family, she also thinks I get offended too easily. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by insomniacalmond@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/needadvice@lemm.ee

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Every time I talk to my family about something, and my grandma happens to be in the room (almost always), I could bring up something such as school friends (since my family will ask if anything exciting happened), and I’ll bring up something ONCE like: “I’m so happy for my friend Ella. She’s liked this dude, Michael, for a long time, and now they’re finally together!”

Suddenly, my grandma will say “You know, it’s so WEIRD that you’re obsessed with Ella’s dating life? Why are you being so WEIRD?”

I’ll calmly respond with, “I’m just happy for her. I’m talking about things that happened at school.”

She’ll tell me that I get offended too easily and that I’m oppressing her, that she can’t say ANYTHING without me getting offended.

When I told my family that I just got diagnosed with a disorder and was trying to process it, she told me I was obsessed with “being mentally ill and making it my whole personality”, when I only mentioned being tested for it a few times.

She frequently makes comments when I say anything about a topic, and then when I calmly tell her that her comment isn’t true, she thinks that I’m upset with her and stuff.

How do I deal with the comments? I live with her, BTW.

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[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 18 points 6 days ago

"what's that old person smell... oh, hi grandma"

[–] klemptor@startrek.website 12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Grandma is toxic. Gray rock her.

[–] essell@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I understand the impulse but stoning her is likely going to cause more problems

[–] A_Filthy_Weeaboo@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago

Remind her back in her day people got overly upset about black people using a "whites only' water fountain, or that people lost there minds about a black woman sitting on a bus...

[–] growsomethinggood@reddthat.com 11 points 6 days ago

Is this behavior just directed at you, or do you notice other people also get treated this way? Is this a recent development, or has she been this way a long time? Sometimes when folks get older, becoming more combative for no reason or losing a filter can be early signs of dementia. It may be worth bringing up to your parent(s) privately to let them know you're concerned about Grandma's behavior and if it could be a health issue. If it's a long time thing, especially one that's targeted at you, well, maybe that's time for a different conversation about why your Grandma has been picking on you so much.

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 10 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

I've found that just saying, "That's an interesting thing to say." and then moving on will confound them. And if they ask for further explanation give them the kindness, "I love you, Grandma." Sometimes it is best to just leave what they say to where and when they say it and move on.

From the outside it seems like she feels left out, left behind, and unhappy about not having someone to make do something. Maybe she has a need for her to validate other people to make her feel valued. And people fossilize. You won't get her to change her behavior at this point.

Just try not to subconsciously adopt that behavior. That happens.

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 6 points 6 days ago

That sounds like she's trying to mock you or manipulate you, so she can gossip about you. Maybe she has friends who think it's cool when one doesn't get along with younger people.

I think the way you react is already very good, but I imagine it's tiresome. Can't be helped tho. You never know when old folks will die, so you shouldn't avoid her alltogether, which is what I would suggest if she wasn't elderly. You can maybe limit the time you see her, but not the frequency, so when she dies you have recently seen her, which avoids one of the things ppl often regret.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

A lot of old people just getting meaner with time. Mostly cuz they're bored I think.