Jesus Christ, Lavern! : facepalm

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 136 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

"I am hee hee" - Michael Jackson

[–] Aarrodri@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

😂😂

[–] Magnolia_@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Shamona!

[–] Ste41th@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 weeks ago

Fuck you and take my upvote

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[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 69 points 2 weeks ago (8 children)

In the near-future the Bible will be banned for spreading "Socialist Values" and being "Too Woke"

[–] midnight_puker@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Eh, I'm fine with it. The death of Christianity will be a net good for humanity, so I'll take whatever gets us closer to that.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

All three Abrahamic religions need to die.

[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Have you seen the kinds of cultish grifts New Agers AND New Atheists alike have been on? Nature abhors a vaccuum.

Just saying I don't want the Spirit Science guy calling the shots on major holidays

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[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 7 points 2 weeks ago

I think a school in Texas already did that to troll all of the "Christian parents caring about traditional values".

[–] piccolo@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Conservapedia was rewritting the bible... its very christian of them.

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[–] WhatYouNeed@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

If evangelicals could read, they would be very upset at your comment.

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[–] Walican132@lemmy.today 60 points 2 weeks ago (8 children)

It’s so sad that no one has read the fucking Bible.

[–] 1stQ@feddit.org 46 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Would an appropriate response to these people be RTFM?

[–] zloubida@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

As a progressive Christian, that's something I want to say almost everytime I read somethung written by an Evangelical.

[–] Hylactor@sopuli.xyz 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

I am not religious, but I have devoted a good chunk of time to reading the bible. If I can do it, someone who essentially stands to gain nothing by reading it can do it, so can and should all these greasy-ass politicians who use it as a political prop. The only thing more irksome than inflexibly, overly literal religious people, are phony religious people who don't even know what they're talking about. And then the next level of annoying beyond that is yhe voting public who allows the charade. They should be the ones pressing these politicians. "Two Corinthians" Donald? What the fuck are you talking about?

[–] Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works 19 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

No, see, you can do it because you have nothing to lose. If they actually read and understand the Bible, then they have to start living according to it, and that would suck. "For I say to you it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven?" No thank you sir, that would ruin my prosperity gospel!

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

To be fair to the camel, God hadn't heard of the Byford Dolphin incident yet.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Well that was a horrible read.

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[–] Shiggles@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

The bible’s a neat old book of parables and early concepts of morals. Like most things, the fanbase is probably the worst part.

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[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

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[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It’s easier to thump a bible when it’s closed.

[–] Walican132@lemmy.today 6 points 2 weeks ago

I’ve never heard this before and I love it thanks for sharing that.

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[–] JimVanDeventer@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Not even the Bible. Have these people seriously not heard the words him and her prior to three years ago? Do they really think they are new words?

[–] Signtist@lemm.ee 36 points 2 weeks ago

It's not that they haven't heard the words "him" and "her," it's that they haven't heard the word "pronoun." They don't know what it means, and think that it's something the trans community made up.

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[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Many self proclaimed Christians have not read the Bible , and are appallingly ignorant of the bulk of it.

And when they do know the stories like the good Samaritan, they don't live it.

Wealthy Christians should not exist.

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[–] Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Because it's a terrible fiction story book

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[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 39 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They must have amnesia. They forgot that I'm HIM.

[–] Yokozuna@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Flipped a whole brick into an empire, stop playing with me.

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 weeks ago

I was flippin' bricks for Mansa Musa back before y'all were even a type 1 civilization

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[–] Old_Yharnam@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And even if Jesus didn’t, who gives a flying fuck?

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Every time I see a bumper sticker that says "What Would Jesus Do?" or the shorter "WWJD?"...

I'm like "Well he wouldn't have drove a car for one, they didn't even exist."

[–] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 57 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

He had a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it.

“For I did not speak of my own Accord” - John 12:49

My guess is it was probably slightly dinged with a coffee can muffler with a "co-exist" bumper sticker, and missing a hubcap.

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago

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[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

All these people saying Jesus is my copilot or asking him to take the wheel neglect the fact that he would be a terrible driver and had like no sense of direction. Dude couldn't even stay dead right.

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[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

"I am He"
- Jesus
--John 18:5
---Brandon

[–] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

"I am He"

- Jesus

--John 18:5

---Brandon

----rivalarrival@lemmy.today

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Michael Scott

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[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

That actually makes a lot of sense. Scientists believe the Big Bang created the vast majority of the universe’s helium.

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 weeks ago

Not only did Jesus use pronouns, but tradition dictates that we go so far as to capitalize His pronouns.

[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

So, do they not understand what pronouns are, or do they not know the Bible?

[–] hansolo@lemm.ee 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes.

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[–] L0rdMathias@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago

I love a good double whoosh lmao.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 5 points 2 weeks ago

Jesus, John!

Facepalm