Be sure to follow the rule before you head out.
Rule: You must post before you leave.
That s not true , of course doing the basic minimum of a normal human IS required but its not enough to have a gf today. The loneliness epidemic is real and not all lonely guy are complete moron. Personally I think one major factor is the privatization of love.
Ask someone out for coffee. Talk about your week. Ask about theirs. Don't treat the interaction as a pass/fail. Repeat. If you have mutual attraction then nature will play out.
Doing the bare minimum hygiene and the appearance of happiness drastically improves your chances.
Dating is for finding someone you enjoy being around. Sex is a result of growing closer.
Obviously some people have it easier than others but I have peers that just refuse to ask people out for coffee or a lunch. I'm a late millennial if that matters.
Be a decent person and if a love interest doesn't personally find you attractive they WILL tell their friends. NEVER talk poorly about your previous relationships. Learn a few jokes.
The privatization of love is a real problem but the classic approach isn't dead.
Ask someone out for coffee
Who?
Get out of the house. Join some group activities. Enrich yourself. Make some friends.
If you are looking for a more specific example then try yoga or an exercise group like cycling. These kind of activities signal that you are looking to improve yourself and that is always a plus. Just remember not to leer and be polite.
OK, I've been weightlifting and bouldering for three years now.
Now what? Neurotypicals like you never explain the next step.
My issue is with your first sentence (cis white man that is about as just barely straight). With all of the talk about equality, equity, and BS gender roles, I'm still expected to make all of the initial moves and decisions in real life and on apps. However, I'm mildly on the spectrum and my natural tenancy is to be very aggressive in my methods (not in a violent way and not just with people, just mean I am very earnest, locked in, and tenacious with most things I do).
I have never been approached, hit on, or asked out by a women in real life, though I have by men a couple of times. When I'm in public or at a bar I am literally invisible, unless I happen to walk into a women's zone of awareness (not personal space, but the point/distance where they then have to make a judgment as to whether I am a threat or not).
The advantage of online dating is that if I match with someone it's reasonable to assume they are interested in me which puts me past the initial barrier in real life of not being able to tell. At that point I'm pretty OK at interacting with a person and flirting etc. However, my hobbies and the things I would like a partner to enjoy doing with me are very male dominated.
The result of this is that I haven't ever had a partner or dated someone who didn't have crippling anxiety and/or deep self-image issues where they use their partner for all of the validation and structure they haven't figured out how to do from within themselves. Which at least to me makes sense, since women with the same interests as mine are surrounded by men all the time everyday, and so the confident well adjusted women have the metaphorical pick of the litter and probably end up with one of the few not problematic men in that space that are also well adjusted.
I am well aware it's far more complicated than that, and that women face a number of other struggles, but Game Theory does still very much apply, and so as I was saying before despite all of the rhetoric about equity, I still have to play by the old rules while somehow also playing by the new ones at the same time.
It's exhausting.
appearance of happiness
I see now. That is holding me back by a lot.
The whole fake it till you make it thing can be applicable here but therapy is valid and cheaper than you think. You are worthy and deserving of love.
I strongly recommend being happy, one of the best feelings really. I've tried the other emotions and they just don't feel the same. (But seriously I'm no fun when I'm depressed. People like being around happy people, it's contagious)
Some people are gay.
The lesbian harem is keeping me from getting a girlfriend!
Simple: Guys should just date each other! The girls can then watch with their gfs 👨❤️💋👨👀👭
I mean, if that ultimately gets me a girlfriend, I'll give it a shot. Seems like a lot of extra steps though.
The top image gave me flashbacks to reddit, r/chodi, and the wave of Indians spamming r/Pakistan complaining about "love jihad"
spoiler
Love jihad (or Romeo jihad)[5] is an Islamophobic[11] conspiracy theory[22] promoted by right-wing Hindutva activists.[25] The conspiracy theory purports that Muslim men target Hindu women for conversion to Islam by means such as seduction,[28] feigning love,[30] deception,[31] kidnapping,[34] and marriage,[37] as part of a broader demographic "war" by Muslims against India,[39] and an organised international conspiracy,[42] for domination through demographic growth and replacement.
It was funny because there actually were several studies and polls that suggested women in India preferred Muslim men because they were well groomed and more respectable than their Hindu counterparts.
Don't make it so obvious....
It's hard enough to find someone already. Like - ok fine I get it, yes, being a lesbian (or bi) feels like the only way anyway, cuz like yeah, how can you not like girls. I find that somewhat hard to imagine.
but that turns into a bad thing, because all of a sudden you have all these super pretty girls in the dating space and they are all prettier, smarter and more comfy cozy than you!!! I feel this is especially the case when transfem (but what do i know)
Showering everyday isn't actually necessary, excluding obvious situations.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/showering-daily-is-it-necessary-2019062617193
https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20240423-theres-no-need-to-shower-every-day-heres-why
I would look up an actual academic article, but I don't care that much after being insulted. 🖖
The point is to take care of your hygiene, if showering less is enough for you that's great
While you're right, it's missing the forest for the trees. It's just quippy way of saying "takes care of one's hygiene"
But yes, it's mostly a common myth that you have to shower every day, ideally do what feels right/works for you to have a good hygiene
“Not strictly necessary”, please stop you’ll sweep me off my feet!
Not at the top of that list are ya
Gotta put maga chuds on there too. There's a literal movement (4B) to not f--- those people.
Lol the attractive guy turns into a femboy ;3
I'm getting married
Everyone just scrollin' past this post.
Grats!