this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
50 points (96.3% liked)

Transfem

3519 readers
2 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]

Some helpful links:

Support Hotlines:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
50
"Act like you've been there before" πŸ˜… (lemmy.ca)
submitted 2 months ago by streetfestival@lemmy.ca to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
12 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

"Act like you've been there before" is a clichΓ© I've heard that means to behave in a situation that is new and exciting to you as if it is something old and familiar to you instead.

As a closeted transfeminine person, I'm thinking about painting my fingernails black - wearing coloured polish in public would be a first for me. And I'm thinking of getting them done at a salon - another first.

I'm so nervous but excited. I know from experience of rocking neutral or clear polish as a cis-looking AMAB person that being super nonchalant about having painted nails in public will lead to me having a better time, which is ironic because rocking painted fingernails in public is like bucket list-level excitement for me. But to assuage my high levels of social anxiety and increase my odds of having a good time, I know I ought to be nonchalant or "act like I've been there before." It's kind of humorous to me, even though I obviously don't think there should be any stigma at all.

The more I dwell on this, the more I realize it's important to me and I should do it. Gotta gather my courage tho! πŸ˜…

top 12 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] InquisitiveApathy@lemm.ee 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Having your nails painted isn't nearly as scary as it sounds. You might get a second glance sometimes, but mostly people don't really care and it's all in your head. Mine are a nice flashy corral color right now and I haven't had any negative interactions. In a worst case you just kind of get the feeling that people are actively trying to not comment on it.

It honestly works great as a good social filter. Sometimes I'll run into a cashier or someone similar in passing who seems uncomfortable with it(usually older folks), but it's otherwise a good way to find other queer folks or allies in the wild and start a conversation.

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for the words of wisdom :). Corral sounds lovely. And thinking of positives helps me reframe it

[–] InquisitiveApathy@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Just go for it and walk around with it! You can always take it off with a little bit a acetone and a minutes effort if you don't like it!

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago

Good point 😘

[–] RavindraNemandi@ttrpg.network 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Do it! Ive def been there my friend, and i can tell you that it feels good as hell. If you find comfort in "act like youve been there before" then more power to you, but i also think that people should be free to be excited about things! Enthusiasm is great for your self esteem, or at least it is for me!

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago

Thank you!! I definitely agree with you about excitement being good, I just don't want to incite gawking and get self-conscious lol. Maybe I can find a quiet place in a park or something to admire my nails and give excitement its due reign πŸ₯³

[–] OldEggNewTricks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Good advice.

Painting my nails was the first remotely fem-presenting thing I did (other than shaving!). Very few people even noticed. One of the people I work with, after I came out, said I just looked a bit more stylish than usual. The biggest response I got was paying at my local where the owner knows me well -- "oh, you've painted your nails" / "yup". And that was it.

Having said that, I don't have nearly enough courage to go to a salon or anything yet! Let us know how it goes!

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for sharing! And that is top-tier pub banter! :P

I should follow your example and keep responses simple - I don't need/want to blab. Maybe just "yup" and a smile, like "I'm doing me, and I hope you're doing you!"

Thank you for the encouragement! I hope to be back to provide an update :)

[–] OldEggNewTricks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, not talking too much is often a good plan if you want to keep things simple :)

Plus, stuff like nail art of course isn't exclusively feminine. If I go out with (very) light makeup, in women's jeans and painted nails, internally I'll be overflowing with girl stuff euphoria, but to everyone else I'm just some dude. Since my body shape, face and hair aren't remotely feminine (yet!), there's not really much to code "woman". I think I'd have to wear a dress and full-on eyeliner for anyone to notice.

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 months ago

Good advice. And maybe I overestimate how many people do/will notice. I guess I do tend to focus on the majority who do notice and not appreciate the majority who don't or are chill.

I'm glad to hear of your times overflowing with girl stuff euphoria. And that "yet" sounds exciting ☺️

[–] svcg@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I still present as male pretty much anywhere that isn't my house, but I often paint my nails and I usually also get them done at a salon while getting my eyebrows waxed.

No one has ever said anything about the eyebrows, and maybe two or three people ever have said anything about the nails, and they were complimentary.

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

Good to hear, thanks! :)