Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Damn as a neurotypical person reading this it blows my mind. Yes, my habits are absolutely automatic, to the point I daydream through them. Am I just misunderstanding something or are you saying every adhd person struggles to form habits?
Very few things are true for every person with a given neurodivergence. But this is one of the more (most?) common things that people with ADHD struggle with, some to a lesser, some to a greater extent.
As a neurotypical what I don't understand is, how did the OP get fat in the first place, if they lack habitual behaviour?
They seem to be saying that every single time they ate junk food /fatty food, it would have been a conscious choice that they had to think about first.
Or am I misunderstanding it?
Food is different for me. When I first got diagnosed and medicated for ADHD I realised that I was ALWAYS hungry. Like always. I had never not been hungry in my life. I had been full/stuffed but hunger just does not work properly for me. Meds just suddenly made me recognise it. So I can eat my breakfast and not be craving food in ten minutes again.
Not a doctor but I reckon what I had thought was hunger was actually craving dopamine. So I was eating because I thought I was hungry and looking for the kick of sugary foods but I really just needed balanced dopamine levels
That's interesting! I have a theory that dopamine levels are out of kilter in a lot more people than we realize.