this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2023
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Yeah, in discussions like this it's important to put out both the "it's okay if you've got a deep curiousity/desire to be the other gender that you want to explore to see if it leads somewhere more" and the "there's nothing wrong with just having fun exploring other identities or bodies without it being some kind of deep-seated transgender thing." I think the "egg_irl" reaction is sometimes harmful because it ends up pressuring people who really aren't transgender but who would be perfect allies if they weren't ending up feeling annoyed by the whole thing.
No one who can be annoyed out of allyship would have been a particularly steadfast ally regardless how many eggshells one stepped around while dealing with them.
You may not be aware of just how annoying and downright offensive it is to have eager "helpful" people instantly jumping to "aha, you're trans and I will help you come to terms with that!" When you mention that your roleplaying characters or whatnot play around with various genders. It's probably not quite on the same level as people assuming gay people are just "rebelling" or "going through a phase" or whatever and will just get over it, but I imagine it feels along those same general lines.
There surely are some people who are indeed a metaphorical "egg" just waiting to crack, but everyone should have the right to feel comfortable with themselves regardless. Dismissing those offended feelings as walking on eggshells misses that point.
There is something my therapist pointed out to me, who was feeling like fraud about being trans. There is some peer pressure out there on how you have to be to be trans. We are not talking about mean peer pressure, but if you see that bodily transitioning is the way for apparently every trans person, then that must be the way for you too, right? And what if you really dread procedures or meds? Or if you are maybe not super happy with your body, but who ever is? Does that make you less trans? I think it really helps to think of trans as a spectrum and exploring it slowly. And maybe you find your gender identity on that spectrum or you feel role playing etc. is just some good fun. And if you find yourself on that spectrum you can go into character creation and say, I’m fine with the presets or change things up, the result will always be beautifully you.