Hey bud, that sucks...for sure and while my situation is different, I've been in the same place often. I wonder if I'll ever get away from failure, but to some degree, it seems to simply always shadow me.
So many things I'd like to offer or suggest but they'd probably come off as cheesy or preachy. And that sucks because I hate thinking that people are in the same space that I am and have been. Hopelessness I an awful companion.
Is there one thing, anything at all that is on the other side of the failure list? Anything you know you do well or that generates a smidgen of satisfaction. Like, fuck I don't know, do you make a killer peanut butter sandwich or can you catch the soap inhumanely fast if you drop it in the shower or maybe do goldfish seem to think your interesting? Can you find one thing that if only for a short moment, exists outside of the cloud of failure?
Man that looks like an HP12-C.