back when I was first starting, like 4 months in

at my gym there was always this super jacked black guy that would put up huge numbers

every time he's done with his set he yells out "ooooooo BABY"

it was never obnoxious or anything, I found it funny

he catches me smirking at him after he did it once

he tells me that it helps with the next set

I laugh

a few weeks pass and I'm on a hard set of deadlifts

was still doing strong-lifts so these are my max

push through them and for some reason yell out "oooooo BABY"

I hear "DAS RIGHT" from across the gym

my next was easier

Thank you jacked black man

(A 4Chan "green-text" titled "Take the cat pill anons" with a photograph of a black cat lying on the carpet)

be me

depressed, loner, NEET, live at my parents house

one day we get a cat, whatever

cat hates me for whatever reason

is always super cuddly with parents but constantly barfs near me or on my things

never lets me pet him or play with him

also meows really aggressively around me for no reason

try playing with him, he isn't interested and keeps meowing

try feeding him, he keeps meowing

literally just always meowing as loud as he can around me, it's annoying as hell

trying to play clone hero while parents are gone and cat is meowing like always

starts walking all over my desk, I've had it with this fucker

just start meowing back at him, louder than him, it scares him off and he goes hiding somewhere

parents get home and look for him, can't find him anywhere, ask if I let him out

we tear the house apart trying to find him, look everywhere, we came to the conclusion that he must've got out somehow and that was that

ffw tomorrow night, cat comes out of nowhere from upstairs and rubs all over my legs as l'm standing in the kitchen

where-tf-were-you-little-shit.jpeg

cat is suddenly very friendly with me and always wants to be near me

I start warming up to him as well, it's nice having a cat on your lap while gaming/watching TV

noticed I'm feeling less depressed lately, cat is still super friendly with me, even sleeps in my bed now

Mfw no longer depressed cause I meowed at a cat in frustration

Guess I'm a cat person now bots

be me 3 years ago

16 years old

Not many friends.

Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and shit and I'm sitting around at home.

Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends.

Looks at me

"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us"

Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted.

We go out eat some Chipotle, go too Walmart and fuck around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for shits n giggles.

Finally they dropped me off at home

I hate home, mom is terrible.

Obvious frown

Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in.

Smiled and nodded

Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

friend invites me to his twitch stream

has a decent following

we start playing some Vydia and talking

people start commenting about how funny l am

the next day people ask if he can have me on the stream again

Wow, it felt nice.

(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of SpongeBob and Patrick)

Be me in army

mandatory in my shitty country

first time we noob soldiers fire our guns

we lay in the ground and get ready

drill instructor yells "are you ready?"

i yell back "ai ai captain"

random guy two rows away yells " i cant hear you" drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him

i yell again "oooooo"

random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away)

dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor

we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving

i am attending the "i cant hear you" guy wedding next week

be me, 9

own a toy firetruck

god-i-fucking-love-my-fire-truck-.jpg

bring to show and tell

kids make fun of firetruck

go home tell dad

dad tells me not to worry about it

next day

dad wakes me up for drive to school

pass school

"dad where are we going?"

"my friends want to meet you anon"

pull up to firehouse

dad told his firefighter friends what happened

get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen

get to honk real firetruck horn

my-face-when my dad took off work just to make me feel better over some stupid toy truck

be me like 12 years ago

someone asks me if I want robux

sure!

whats your password

its "ilovebeatles123321"

they log in

actually fucking get a transaction on my account

they buy me lifetime Outrageous Builders Club

800 Robux as well

literally just log out and then tell me to change my password

I still have no idea how my 13 year old self was not scammed

(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe chuckling)

have two dogs

ask them "who's a good dog!?"

never tell them who

it's them

(A 4Chan "green-text".)

married, with a six year old daughter

wife hates violent video-games and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room

my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously

she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them.

get a phone call from school, saying she was in a fight.

have to leave work and address this mess

principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack."

I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough.

had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself.

"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?"

"No sir, but I will talk to her about it."

We made it five steps into the parking lot before l lost my shit, imagining my daughter standing over some little shit with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack."

got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home

Kids are a treat sometimes.

(A 4Chan "green-text", titled "Altruism", with a close-up photograph of a turtle on the pavement)

Riding bike through town

See something strange on the side of the road

Decide to stop and investigate

It's a turtle tucked into its shell

Hold finger in front of shell

Turtle pokes its head out, sniffs finger, and then retreats back into it's shell

It's a hot day, and there are no bodies of water nearby

There's a river a few miles away, decide to take the turtle there

Ride bike with one hand while holding the turtle

People look at me strangely

Don't care, the turtle is all that matters

Turtle pokes its head out when going fast downhill

Probably the fastest the turtle has ever gone

Finally reach the river

Set the turtle on the shore under some shade

After about 10 seconds the turtle crawls into the water

Looks back at me before submerging and swimming away

Feel more emotion in that moment than I have in the last few years

Despite my mistakes and shortcomings, a creature's life was made better by my existence

Is using our time to help others the real answer?